Fireworks at Night: The Words of a Hopeless Romantic

2008-10-04T12:14:00.002-04:00

Must fight the Freshman Fifteen...

-All of my friends

College is amazing, exhilirating and just plain great. But I need to focus on the not so great part of it - the food. I mean, the bad part of it is that Colby's food taste so good but I know it's not good for me. I'm trying to cut back on wheat, sugar, and meat. I want to stick to eating rice, and vegetables and I'm only allowed dessert once a day. It's worked - alittle. I'm going to try to get a drink first and then see what my stomach still has room for. Maybe I should try to keep track of the things I eat in this blog - kind of like a food diary. I know it will bore blog readers to hear me recount what went into my stomach everyday, but I'll try to keep it interesting...

For breakfast today:

I had an omelet with everything in it

Water

Some fruit

and then...(just as I thought I was being good...) 2 cookies and a muffin. Sad - right? I know. I think I've already gained atleast 5 pounds and this is only the first freakin' month of school! No lunch for me and no dessert for dinner...sad face.

2008-02-25T17:32:00.003-05:00

"Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are."

-Don Miguel Ruiz

I remember that when I was very little, the biggest fear I had was of dying - or just death in general. I would imagine my parents dying, my grandparents dying, everyone dying, me being swallowed up through a crack in teh earth...but now it seems that not so many people die anymore. Or maybe, I just don't notice it anymore. I think that by now, I have accepted the fact that everyone will die at one point or another, its just a matter of when. Sometimes I even wish I were dead. Sometimes, I can't wait for the moment to come.

I wonder what it will be like - dying. Will it be like go to sleep after a long, long day? Or will it be excruciatingly painful - like holding on desperately to the last breath of life? I hope that when the time comes, I will be ready and willing, not struggling against the inevitable. Although, knowing me I will always be struggling agains the inevitable.

And all of a sudden, she felt confined - this jelly like body of an existence, stuck in a rectangular mold around her squeezing her as she attempted to break free. Everything she had done that day - everything she had done for her whole life stretched ahead of her like a downhill road, winding eternally and unknown. When was this going to end? Would she die wishing that she had seen the trees around this endless road, stopped to inspect the grass sprouts shooting up from cracks in the cement, strayed off the path and nibbled on some poisonous berries that made her upchuck?

- "Wynn Lang"

PS: My SIP Panel is this Thursday. Lord help me.

2008-02-14T21:20:00.004-05:00

"Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver."

- Barbara de Angelis

Happy Valentine's Day everybody! Our school was crazy today - I think everyone caught the love bug - boys wearing pink, every girl wandering the halls clutching a rose, singing valentines delightfully disrupting our classes, and chocolate fillin gus up until tomorrow's breakfast.

But as the roses whither and the kisses and hugs leave tingling memories, I wonder - why does it take a commercialized holiday to make everyone pronounce their love for each other? If everybody behaved the way they do on Valentine's Day, everyday, wouldn't we acheive world peace pretty quickly?

Can't we love each other even when chocolate companies don't force us to?

Maybe we need hate to appreciate love. Maybe we need the rest of the days to fight to forgive on February 14.

I made my baby brother a Valentine's Day card. It said "We love Jeffrey." And he made me one that said, "We love Jenny".

Now that's true love.

PS: did you know the postage stamp is increasing again?! Good god.

2008-01-30T07:59:00.002-05:00

"ENFPs are initiators of change who are keenly perceptive of possibilities, and who energize and stimulate through their contagious enthusiasm. They prefer the start-up phase of a project or relationship, and are tireless in the pursuit of new-found interests. ENFPs are able to anticipate the needs of others and to offer them needed help and appreciation. They bring zest, joy, liveliness, and fun to all aspects of their lives. They are at their best in situations that are fluid and changing, and that allow them to express their creativity and use their charisma."

- Myers-Brigg Type Indicator

The Myers-Brigg Indicator is a personality test that was created by Swiss Psychologist Carl Jung and it is based on four categories - Extroverted/Introverted, Sensing/Intuitive, Thinking/Feeling, and Judging/Perceiving.

So apparently I'm an ENFP ( extroverted-intuitive-feeling-perceiving) person, on two different websites that I've taken the Myer's Brigg Type Indicator test. I never really thought of myself as extroverted - it's painful for me to talk to new people about important things - I'm okay with chitchat...sorta...I get kind of tired of conversations sometimes. But my percentage of introverted answers is like 48% and my percentage of extroverted is like 52%.

So I took the RideOn to my Colby College interview today...and I got lost! >.<

But my interviewer was soooo nice. I almost feel like I don't deserve it. It was at the Department of Health and Human Services and the security there is unbelievable. It's almost like going into an airport.

It's so fun to go on the RideOn and watch people. I know that kind of sounds creepy but I like to eavesdrop and imagine what kind of person the rider is.

And...I talk to myself when I'm walking down the road alone. I call myself names when I get lost and I ask questions to nobody in particular. I guess my voice keeps me company. I bet people who walk down the street and look at my lips moving must think that I'm crazy - that I talk to myself...which I do! But not in the way you might think. Honestly!

I bought a Cranberry Orange Muffin (despite its name, it is actually really good!) from Starbucks and went to Rockville Library to eat it and browse through books. This little boy kept walking past me and looking at my muffin...I was very aware of his gaze, he even looked over my right shoulder to peer subtly (or so he thought) at my muffin...but I didn't want to share it with him. My muffin! And then I finished the muffin which made me even more hungry. And the little boy trotted by again! I imagine he was quite disappointed to see the crumbs left in the little Starbucks bag. Too bad, little boy.

And then I got home and was informed that my baby brother had stolen chocolate from my room and eaten it. My chocolate! :(

2008-01-25T20:25:00.001-05:00

"If at first the idea is not absurd, then there's no hope for it."

- Albert Einstein

Yay! Our first JJ Express Magazine is currently printing! I am soooo excited. Here's a picture of my brother and I holding the cover.

I have to say, this is probably the hardest thing I have ever done, but I'm so glad that I did it. We're already planning for our next issue!

www.jjexpress.sitesled.com/subscribe.

Yays! :D

2008-01-20T16:42:00.001-05:00

"Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there."

- Josh Billings

Okay, I know I'm not supposed to say this but - Is it over yet?! My life for the last 3 days has only been JJ Express and I'm starting to get sick of it. I guess that's the way it is...you get really excited about something, and then you wonder whether or not its worth it, and then you hate it, until you grow to love it again...which I don't know will ever happen...My body is completely sore - from wushu, but I feel like it's from JJ Express. Can I stop now? Probably not. Only one more page to go...I feel like I'm gonna be sick.

2008-01-18T17:01:00.001-05:00

"You don't love someone because they're perfect. You love them in spite of the fact that they're not."

-My Sister's Keeper Jodi Picoult

I just finished reading My Sister's Keeper, and it is one of the best books I've ever read. This is probably the only book where I cried after every other chapter. It's a story about a girl, Anna, who is brought to life only to be a donor for her sister who is dying of leukemia. If you were brought to life for one reason and that reason was taken away - who are you? Full of secrets and lines that describe life perfectly, its a must-read!

So...I was very productive today. Yupyup. I shoveled my entire driveway (which is pretty damn long) in an hour, and built a little snowman per my baby brother's request. I have to say, it's been a while, and I love it!

And my whole family is sick, except for me. I'm kinda terrified that I'll be next in line. My baby brother is coughing like crazy - we took him to the doctor and my dad is upstairs, bed-ridden and my other brother is lounging around our living room like a wheel that's lost its grease. My mom's on drugs...well medicine, but tis still drugs...

2008-01-14T18:35:00.001-05:00

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely..."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Well...I'm done!!! With my SIP atleast...its been a long and tiring road...but I'm finally done!!! Party time, party time, party time!!! It ended up being an 11-page research paper, with 44 footnotes and 4 Appendices.

I've been having strange dreams. Like killing my English teacher...I felt so terrible I woke up and was frozen with fear. I wonder what I'll dream about tonight. Failing my exams, no doubt.

I really like the Ralph Waldo Emerson quote because that's how I've been dealing with life lately.

Just one day at a time. That's a little problematic at times though. Like when you find out you should have studied for exams weeks before. >.<

So now its onto JJ Express Magazine...my children's magazine to inspire youth to be passionate about something in their life, through art.

Got JJ Express?

www.jjexpress.sitesled.com

(just a little marketing ploy) ^_^

2008-01-08T15:13:00.001-05:00

"Stress is when you wake up screaming and realise you haven't fallen asleep yet"

Oh yeah. That's definitely stress. I haven't gotten there yet, but I'm getting there.
This is what I've finished doing:
(1) College Applications (8 of them)
(2) (Almost) passing first semester of Senior year
(3) The thesis of my senior paper (and not much else)

This is what I still have to do:
(1) Pass first semester of Senior year
(2) Finish the first issue of JJ Express
(3) Sell 200 copies of the first issue
(4) Finish that darn 10-page senior paper
(5) Interview Anita Silvey
(6) Stop global warming/pollution/overflowing landfills/people killing each other
(7) Get some sleep
(8) Find my sanity (hm...maybe its in my laundry basket...I should check)

And one might wonder why I'm taking the time to post this instead of doing everything on my To Do List.

I wonder as well.